My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
