"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
