i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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