Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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