and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
