I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
