its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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