This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
