does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
