YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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