this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
