In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
