his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
