My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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