He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
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He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
dude. I can hear the air.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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