There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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