giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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