and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
