DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
