I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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