Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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