I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he shaved USA in his pubs
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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