When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
