ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
