I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
