We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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