hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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