ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
