this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
