Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
