the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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