i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
