how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Last time i carry you out of a forest
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
