He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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