there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
then he tried to convert me to islam
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
