I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
