I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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