you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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