he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
