I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
