I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize