you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
