Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
