Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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