I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Me too!
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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