you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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