so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
