Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
