im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
