You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
