I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
