i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
look no pants
Just fell off a train. Bad.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
