Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
