I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
