i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
