i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
