3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
