guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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