Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
