ya dads aren't the best wingmen
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
