Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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