I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
