it's like iHOP with fire
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
