I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
