I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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