exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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