There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Green mimosas i think yes
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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