Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
