It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize